Two guys that people oughtta know about.

Big Joe Wyatt was from St. Louis and was a familiar face to those who went to shows in Chicago and St. Louis, as well as in the Christian hardcore scene. I can say with ease that seeing him out on the floor, either by his side or while we played just brought a smile to my face. He came through for Punishment in April of 01 when we’d taken ourselves to the brink of despair. We booked a show through him for the Saturday before Easter that April and we’re looking forward to it. We’d set off in March on tour with Misura (a heavy band from VA Beach that was signing to Too Damn Hype –which was our label at the time). I learned so much from this tour that it was now so worth all the strife and worry… In fact I could write a whole blog based on the “What Not To Do’s” off of that month alone. Needless to say and to cut to the chase (something I rarely do on here) we’d toured with this band for a month and had 3 more weeks planned but they broke up in the middle of the tour and their efforts to book our texas dates left us without shows for about a week. So what to do… Oh yea lets just show up on the doorstep of a guy who booked us at his house and stay there for about a week, in Carbondale, IL nonetheless. At one point we’d tortured my dear friend and roadie to the point he was looking at greyhound buses via the internet. I think we even were talking of selling blood while sitting in his hovel of a house. On top of our lack of cash we had to fix the van and surprise surprise didn’t have the cash. After about 6 days of practicing every day in his house and such we left to go to our St. Louis show where all our friends would be. It was like nothing else really. I can’t even make this shit up. We drove to the venue believing it was there only to be told its at some skatepark a few miles from here. Ok, no sweat. Only the van breaks down and we really started pushing the fuckin thing. One of the people going to the show happen to be going down the street and chose to push us so we got on top of the van and rode the rest of the way acting like assholes on top of a van. Right across from the skatepark was a black or Puerto Rican biker club’s bbq and here’s a bunch of dudes jumping around on the top of a van being pushed. The show was a matinee so most of the kids were outside and witnessed this spectacle of stupidity. Big Joe and Chris were outside and just in shock. I remember that Joe had walked up and handed us like 250 and told me not to say another word. I really felt like shit but I was happy to have someone out this far looking out for us. I remember the whole show was a blast. All our friends and their bands, good food, good times. We’d had one of those sets that really will always stick out to me, people went nuts the whole time. We even played the “new song” that we just finished in John Spomer’s basement in Carbondale. It was the first time we’d played it live but Rising became one of my favorites from that point on. That night we stayed with Joe and had a great time in his house bbqing and hanging out with all the guys. The next morning we woke up to Joe and Chris being at the apartment with WARM Krispy Kreme in hand. I’ve never had them before and they were ridiculous. After some deliberation we went down to the zoo in STL because it was free. We were hoping to see something out of a Nelly video but instead saw some cool cars and ended up hanging down on this street with Iron Age tattoos and all. The next day we got the parts for the van and fixed the thing and headed back to Carbondale for the night. The show at the house had come and Joe came to town early to hang out. Me and him ended up walking around “downtown” just having a good conversation about what’s going on in his life and he told me he had to have surgery on his eye because he had a mole. He said it could be something but he also said he wasn’t thinking too hard on it. I talked about life and how my baby’s momma had just moved to Upstate NY with my daughter after getting married and how I went on tour after meeting the coolest girl ever. He’d met her in Chicago a few weeks before when she flew out to surprise us. He’d finally met “that girl” in his life and was hoping to marry her. It was a great talk from a young guy to older dude and ultimately it was the highlight of that low month. That night we had a fuckin blast, raised fuckin hell in a crazy basement show and even punked out some weird WP dude that was at the show. Chris having a corkscrew in his hand during the “confrontation” really sealed the deal for me.
Months later we’d gotten our asses back on tour and were in STL for thanksgiving. No Joe this time around as he was sick and in fact had been doing poorly in result of the cancer that they found in him. A guy who stood over 6 foot and not skinny man had been reduced to about 170 lbs or so. I got to speak to him over the phone for a bit and he expressed his apologies for not being to be with us this time around. That night when I took a shower at the motel I really just sat on the floor of the bathroom crying. Thankfully all the retards in the band were elsewhere or I would have had that juvenile embarrassment that is not valid in this situation. By Christmas that year He had passed on and it was like a bit of relief to know such a good guy had been relieved of the pain. At the time it was a month after a tour which meant Punishment was without members. We were true Viking hardcore. We’d leave like a voyage kissing sad women goodbye and come home with losses in men the way a raiding longship would come back to port with less then the crew then they had. I’d gotten a call from Luke from Chicago that there was to be a benefit for Joe and that they wanted us to play. I got some of the guys from Chris’s metal band together and we got our asses in the van (like 10 of us or so) and we hauled out to St Louis. We got to Carbondale in like 15 hours and played to some shitty rock club where there’d been a fight or something over moshing. We ended up in St Louis at Jim Honey’s house that night. It sucked so bad to be back and there not be a Joe to hear or see out there. It was the first time in my life having to be the guy with a mic in his hand at a benefit show. I was 21 years old and it felt like shit to be in this place without him.

R.I.P Joe Wyatt

I guess I needed to relive that one to get into the shit that’s running through my mind right now. I am 2 days away from Magras’s benefit show. Its an old hat now. Its been 7 years since we played that show and since then Bailey’s sister got hit by a truck on a bike, Pig’s sister was murdered, Stoney died in a car crash, Robby’s mom died of cancer a month after her finding out. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve gotten together out front of a show like this and just been happy to see the faces that are there. Fuck I can’t even go back to STL anymore. Chris (companion of Joe in the story above) died of an aneurysm 2 weeks before SR was set to play there. The guy had got his shit together with a spot to live, finally got to work tattooing after years of drawing great but being a shop manager instead of a tattooer. I can’t believe I really stood on the stage of the creepy crawl 5 years after I had all my boys in STL in one room with hardly anyone from that time ALIVE. It’s a fuckin ball buster man. It makes you want to do so many useless things to protect yourself against that inconceivable thing that will ultimately end your life.

Mike Magras was always a good person in my eyes. I never really seen a bully in his actions. He is a heavier dude so when he gets moving he is ultimately going to plow through most of whats in his way. I think the thing that stands out in him is his laugh, he is one of those guys with the big hearty laugh. It’s the kind of laugh that if attributed to a cartoon could make the big screen. Magras and I were friends for years before I even knew he played guitar. He was a great addition to the late Punishment roster. You damn well knew he wasn’t about to actually move on stage but having a dude who looked like something out of Crowbar has its advantages and cool stage points. I gotta tell you it was 4 years after that worst punishment tour ever and I felt back in that place again. I was so scatter brained with the upcoming birth of Ryan, all my anxiety about having/wanting to grow up and the thought of actually marrying Samantha that I really didn’t know what to do myself. On top of it the cancer scare that I had with my mom and me moving out of the house on Emerald Street really left me without a pot to piss in and a window to throw it off. We really should have never went on that tour, but we had our boys Blacklisted wanting to go out on the tour after they had something going on fall through.
Just to be on the road with George, Ferrero, Timmy, Mike Mig, Russ, Guppy, Magras, Sean Foley (the greatest guy to ever have on a road trip) I had to do it. It was like an all star cast of a complete failure. Ultimately we’d never rebound from it. Our van dead, I went home on a greyhound like most of the dudes and spent the rest of the summer on tour in a similar yet new shitty situation with SR. It was a bad summer in general. That fall Punishment lost its momentum after me and Timmy had the falling out and I told Sean Foley to join Blacklisted. Everyone really started to get their shit in order from then on. Russ and Ferrero did the union thing, Timmy got ready to go to college, Blacklisted became the fucking kings, Guppy is well Guppy (leading the ’08 Season in KO’s) and I am here writing this blog.

I left out Magras because well he really got his shit together. He met a girl who was special enough to him to start focusing on the stuff the rest of us drug our heels on, the kind of shit that now most of the dudes are heavily involved in – job, house, girl/wife/kids. He took on this new job, got the girl pregnant and decided to be the standup father for the wee girl she had that was without a father at the present. I feel like he did something that was more standup than most of us were capable then. So for all his efforts to lead a straight life of wive/kids/job he was repaid for his efforts with a fire in his house that took the lives of both his daughters, all of his belongings and burned his precious wife badly. Is this the fuckin payment for a good deed done? Is this the karma of a guy who turned down the fast life of no money, slutty girls and gangdom for something solid and worth waking up to?

Its one of these things that torment me to the point of mental exhaustion, yet the only thing I can think of doing is getting him some cash to maybe put something back into his life. Or at least show that we still care and are still there. I think he is one of the most standup dudes we’ve ever met or had the privilege to call a brother, in the face of this tragedy he had no drama or call to arms against his wife’s ex and father of the elder child. In fact he even hugged the guy at the funeral and told he did the best that he could for his daughter. That was twenty times harder then any ass kicking I can think of.
I guess this is growing up huh? Where hugging a dude is tougher then kicking his ass. :P


Come out this Thursday and have a fucking blast with us.

If you can’t come but want to send some $ paypal to joehardcorefsu@aol.com

THURSDAY MAY 29TH
$10
7PM

BLACKLISTED
PAINT IT BLACK
BRAINDEAD
JERK CITY

Franklinville Skating Rink
2608 N Delsea Drive
Franklinville, NJ
08322

The wind through my hair, my last moments recalled.

I am coming to the end of the rope. I’ve said for years that you got to give someone enough rope to hang themselves and it’s a few seconds past the trap doors opening in a rush and I’ve already bounced back from the initial drop at least twice. This feels like an eternity but its definitely been too quick to see without stopping for the frame by frame replay. If I know my “well wishers” as well as I do they would pay top dollar for that clip frame by frame. I wonder if they will release the information to the press that upon my neck snapping I released what was left in my empty stomach into my drawers. I have no dignity left so I assuming they have no qualms about releasing for the public’s delight.

I really have to hand it to the world I really never saw it coming. I really placed myself on such a pedestal where I was incapable of falling. Incapable of being LOW and it was impossible to feel the concrete as it made a sweet popping sound on my jawbone when all my glory was lost and my face hit the concrete with a resounding applause from the mythical home audience watching the end of my reign of righteousness. I am tired now, I am bruised, yet until I embraced humility I was not aware of the throbbing pulse of pain in my heart from the agony of defeat. I ruined every good aspect of my life in search of solace from this stress, from this pain. I was so consumed with the What Ifs and other things I am not in control of that I squandered all of my happiness away on a summer that I am ashamed to have lived through. You know those scenes in a movie where you squirm in your seat because you’ve been there before and you’re embarrassed for the guy in question… Well imagine a BDSM inspired scene not unlike some Clockwork Orange rehabilitation scene where I am helpless to relive each mistake, each moment of weakness, each failure of the past 2 years. I would say that the punishment fits the crime but ultimately the haze of self denial is over and I could use a dose of reality. Maybe it would come to me, each moment where the choice of right or wrong was imminent and each time where I balked and stepped one foot further into this future hell which I am currently acclimating myself to. I could see where the false pretenses and the notion of infallibility lead me to believe all was going to be alright. I guess it would be easy to see this as I would be force fed my own shit for once.

Its all been a huge mistake. Despite my inhuman ability to be injured from a young age and the lack of a car that we suffered throughout most of my childhood, I learned quick how to get by despite being in insane amounts of pain til my mom could take me to the ER and I guarantee she looked like an abusive mom with the record number of broken bones and stitches that I accumulated. I can say with ease it would be easier to stomach a 55 gallon of my shit then to realize the stress and pain I’ve put on my loved ones. Its really pathetic, its to the degree of FONZIE of me in some ways. I guess despite my best efforts and my repeated attempts I am no better then my father who to me is the lowest rung on the human ladder. One day it will be revealed just how much of a dirty pederast that man is. One day the few who swallow his gospel for gold will understand the nonsense he spewed out was poison. I can’t fuckin believe I can’t deny the parallels to him and I, even at this young of a stage. What’s left for me now? Crack, stealing an old man’s home upon his death? Getting blowjobs from dudebitches near lucky’s at 3am in a drunken stupor in the front seat of my grandiose Cordoba. I can’t fuckin imagine that but really its not like I’ve done much better. I fucked with things enough to know what I was doing and I will now suffer the penalty.

I am unable to breath right now. I think its psychosomatic. I am physically suffering the emotion equivalent to my mindset of late. I am overwhelmed, outgunned, under the pressure of being a failure and more importantly I am going to end up like the one person who defies the scales of justice and is still breathing air in this fucking land. I wonder just how crooked you have to be to change reality enough to actually believe the shit that you did was for the benefit of all. I am going to just place my head on the chopping block now before my brain starts lying to me and having me think that what I did was right and for the good of my dependants. I guess that’s the way out, the man up choice that leaves me ahead in this game of life. Even if its by a Cunt Hair (a Red hair cunt hair at that) there will be some solace in placing above him who made most of what I lament over a reality.

I would honestly become a monk in a cave somewhere for 20 years if it meant my son and daughters were to breath the fine air of the good life with a different home then the one I am proud to have grown up in. At this point any choice is better then the ones of the past few years. Regrets, I still have none. Had I regret anything I would not learn the value of what is ultimately lost, and I would be unable to accept fate’s placement as just.

There is a beauty in just going “Yea I really fucked that up huh?”.

We Had Fun, Its Ashame No One Else Did.

I think living the hardcore lifestyle allows for you to predict a certain amount of things that the off street dude can’t. I also think that I’ve come to the point where I living on this 2 or 3 year cycle where all of a sudden I see these kids and their attitudes and I can reference the cycles previous to it and just know everything about them and what they’re going to do. Lately my young boys have been bitching about these herbs from the burbs that are anti FSU and anti us.

I am once again the white devil enslaving the local scene and obviously ruining everyone’s good fun. Its been that way for years. I’m always the bane of someone’s hardcore existence. There is someone out there doing things much better or more true to the cause then I am. My friends are always wrong and just bullies. I can go back and harp on this for another paragraph but it won’t do me any cathartic justice. I’ve grown accustomed to it. I’ve read all the interviews with the herbs like Another Breath, Dangers, etc. The hardcore scene is so violent, gangs ruin everything, can’t we all just get along by shit talking each other online?

I am passed that point in my life where I really think I can change everyone’s perception of me and where my intentions lie. I’ve got a lot of distance and growth from what I used to associate fun at a show with. From then to now, I can say with ease that the days of me just laying you out for something incidental is beyond over. In fact I can say now with hindsight on my side that the days of brawling for nonsensical mosh beef is over. I can think back to my late teens where the anxiety and stress was so high, it was those weekend nights, 40’s before the shows, crew hanging out front that made life worth living. If it meant hitting someone over something my friend instigated, or going the extra distance to “prove” myself in some way you can be sure as shit that I was guilty as charged. There was a lot of anger in those days. I am still conflicted between wanting to just take the easy way out and get violent or using my head and getting through it in a different course.

I was always conflicted if I really want to get real and examine it. I was young and new and booking shows not far from my house. My friends were always right, I would say that first off. I will stay say that to this day. I have nothing without the guys that kept me from sinking into the depths of hell for good. But some of the shit that we pulled I wouldn’t let fly today. I think its almost sad that I was spending large amounts of time and money booking the “unbookable” and having a blast at my owns and in the same breath not giving a fuck about what I was disturbing/wrecking. It was the Dr. Jekyl / Mr. Hyde that I never even saw at the time. I’ve had a blast with the booking end of things. It has served me much better then the creating end of the music as I am sadly relegated to bass aka the Idiots instrument or screaming on stage. Something that although fun is far from creative and important in a band, in fact I dispute that misconception that the singers in the band are the focus or the core of what makes a band great although I fall victim to loving a band or hating them based on the singer. Weird how that works right? The things I used to do, be a part of would honestly be worldwide msg board fodder for weeks upon weeks with both sides foaming at the mouth for more b33f. God bless the inception of the internet really didn’t come til the tail end of the chaos. I do remember the Punishment msg board being a hotspot in the b33f. Funny that most of it was in fact my friends fighting with each other.

Like the time PAST called out my boy KEM and in return KEM crossed damn near 30 legal pieces that PAST had running at the time. In fact I’d say that KEM effectively destroyed my term of hanging at walls watching the majestic beauty of a wall unfold. Funnier still was PAST’s determination to kick KEM’s ass. We were on South Street and he (PAST) was talking about if he sees him. Sure enough we get to the spot (5^th and South) and KEM is on a bike and PAST walks up to him and was like “yo bro let’s go down the alley and talk a bit”. I remember Damien laughing and someone else making a gesture like “pull a chair this is going to get good”. What ensued was the most boring text book debate on Philadelphia Graffiti , the downtown scene and everything I didn’t care about. I think George and I left to get pizza and came back til it still going on. Ha… I miss the days of just being a soldier. Not getting the calls but being the one people were getting called about. Something fun and bad ass about always manage to cause a ruckus made going to shows or parties or South Street a blast and a story no matter the day. I remember when my boys got Freight Train together. It was such an odd coupling of Chris Cap (Release!!!!!NJ sxe) who was far from edge but a fucking blast, Mark and Jesse from the tattoo shop and good ol Diego and Slave whom I was close with.

I can remember them telling me they were doing a band and that they needed songs. Somehow or another they ended up using some lyrics I wrote “beyond understanding”. When Diego showed up with the Demo I realized we were going to have a new world of chaos in our hands. First show was in NJ at some shit bar that tried to do shows in South Jersey. First note I started dancing and boomed was choked and kicked out.
I don’t even know if they got to play a full set. I was so shit faced I would have really been up shit’s creek if Cracker and Dean hadn’t convinced the cops to let me go. Later on Freight Train shows would be the swan song of the Ninth Circle days, the end of my being drunk and stupid at shows. I can’t think of a show that didn’t have 20 or more of us there together raising hell and havin a blast. Whether it was Allentown, Lansdale or Philly we really had some good fuckin times.

I think of piling up in Carmen’s lil Plymouth and being shitfaced and high before we even left Philly. Some of the best /worst times were in that car driving somewhere. The best thing about Freight Train was that these promoters would really try to get them to calm down or get us to pay to get in but it didn’t work. Dudes would really carry a single cymbal stand to get in.

So fuckin backwards to what I was doing at the time trying to keep bands coming in from out of town. It was great on one hand to have a friends band make the waves down here. I remember watching people kiss Diego’s ass that hated him and thinking better him then me. Its been a long time and now I can see where he got a lot of his thoughts from. Its hard to be the guy that’s gotta keep everything together. Be the band guy, be the party guy and then be the crew guy that’s gotta keep the place in check. Big shoes to fill, a lot of choices that will always leave someone pissed and another doubting, I’m at the point now where I just look to what I want more then other people’s feelings in that regard. If you’re going to be an asshole to someone, you might as well be right in your thinking as well. I remember shows with Second To None and Freight Train and the absolute terror in some of these kids eyes. It was really something that isn’t possible to recreate today. The new wave of kids aren’t built for that much abuse. Unlike many gay crews from around the country that die out when a band dies out, we were actually worse at other shows I think.

I can remember the time when most of the real trouble makers went to a show Damien did in the burbs and that night we get home and it was pandemonium in the gossip department. 20 of the “younger” dudes had a major blowout at the Church during the Get Up Kids. I wasn’t there but I know prominent hardcore dudes got socked, coffee was thrown and the young boys I’ve watched grow from small church shows in our hood have finally got their own dirt. It was a weird moment. I was elated to hear that for the first time it wasn’t me or Carmen or Bushy involved. For once I could say “hey don’t look at me”. I am sure that’s far from how I felt then as I know there were proceeding non show asskickings that resulted from that show but it’s a notion that leads me to think about all of this.
Who the fuck was I to try to do shows on one hand and be so fuckin ignorant on the other? It’s a great thing this hardcore world and I was not headed down the path that would lead me to anything but jail or death. I’ve gotta say that Chris Spear from Dysphoria from being good friends with him really took me off that path. I think he saw more in me. More then what most did at the time. God only knows when I started being a fixture at Dysphoria shows that they were getting shit for the alliance but it really saved me. I was on the verge of being 19 when I got asked to go on tour. It was Christmas times 1000. In fact the only things that have made me happier since was a first kiss and two beautiful children.
I really think the final straw in the Ninth Circle card was pulled in June of that year. I’d booked Freight Train, Clubber Lang, Second To None, Overthrow (LI), Kensington for the church near my house. Things were going smooth. Usual NJ dudes showing up 30 deep, no one paying and it being cool. Most of my friends were drinking elsewhere but always knowing when to come inside. Overthrow had been stuck in traffic and running late. I couldn’t help them too much as I had to watch the show, mosh for every song(man I wish I had that kind of time now) and make sure things were going smooth. Back then I ran a vocal PA only and had to play the part of promoter, stage manager, sound guy, and lead mosher… God bless being 19 and not getting laid. Things were awesome, a few minor arguments but not one fight. Carmen’s girl got kicked in the face by a friend being the only major injury of the moment. Overthrow shows up and sets up merch. I tell them its too late and they can’t play. It was hard getting bands to be on time, have equipment then. I didn’t have my shit together like I do now. I wish I did but fuck it, it was the shows then that got me to be like I am now. After I tell them they can’t play the dude in the band goes nuts and knocks all this shit off the merch table. Causes a scene. People go up to them and tell them pretty much, eat shit and leave or get fucked up and not ever get back to NY. I know one friend who went as far to get a shotgun from his car… next thing you know there is an argument amongst friends over this dispute.
In charming irony, they were only fighting because one friend didn’t see everything and saw the other friend talking shit to the band. A girl in the middle of it leads to a gun being pulled and the whole place going crazy. I know people ran out the door and a knife was stabbed into the doorway. Minutes later as everyone is leaving and I am trying to see whats going on, a girl we know all too well maces someone that everyone knows these days and my babys momma is then kickin her ass on the sidewalk of the church. Soon enough that girl gets the shit kicked out of her by others and I am watching a Chinese fire drill of people leaving the church as soon as possible. Cops are coming, everyone is running around like crazy. I remember the Chicago dudes that came to hang out were in complete amazement of the situation.
It was a small minor event that lead to a lot of my friends beefing amongst each other. I got banned at the Troc over it (ha didn’t even do it) and I learned a lot about what people say in hindsight versus what their actions were that night. I had a great weekend with Second To None with the Chicago guys. It ended on South Street Sunday when we beat up some roadies of Indecision on South Street for acting hard and starting nonsense. I think today I would be in jail for even trying to fight like that on 4^th and South. Oh well.

I learned a lot and less then a month later I went on tour. Met so many influential people to my early 20s that I have never been able to look back fully. The rest of 99 shaped out with me coming home after only drinking once on tour (that’s a big wow for back then) Some more shows, a lot of violence but the drinking and getting high tapered off. I started a band with Black Mike and Damien with my friend Mike Mig. Practicing became a big deal to me.
I wanted to be a better person for the first time in forever. Time spent with my daughter and seeing how the drinking her mom was doing wasn’t cool for her to see. I wanted to be a better father for the first time. I think at 19 with what I was going through that it was one of my better resolutions.
I was not ready for Carmen shooting himself. No one was. It really tore my life into pieces. He’d been a rock, a foundation. A dude I could talk to , could count on. Gone for good. Looking into his coffin I was almost sick in my mouth. I will never forget that day. The next day I stopped drinking. 2 years later I would have 3 x’s tattooed across the back of my neck only to come from tour seeing a billboard for the movie and being pissed. Its funny for me to type all this out.
Its probably far from a good read, but something I’ve pondered over the past few years. Punishment being a band in one sense ended a lot of the Ninth Circle days. I was away from the city a lot. When I was home the fights that happened were getting less serious and involved the “younger” crowd. My friends were more into the bars and staying out of the small show scene.
The nights spent out front of the Killtime included less me fighting, more me trying to be the middle man. Sure I wasn’t perfect and far from that today, but the change from the band was monumental. Yet the stigma still applied. My friends still ruined everything. I didn’t matter what I did, or what I was doing in my band, we were still the black sheep and menace. The reason no one else had fun. Its cool, I would never change an aspect of it. Just was what it was. It stayed like that for another 2 years and then tapered off to things being ok.
Enter the Horrorshow days and No Rights and funrama and us finally being on good terms with Robby after it seemed like forever of being able to laugh and hang out but being on opposite sides of arguments. I was finally seeing what he was saying back in 96.
Sorry Robby it took so long for me to grow up. 2 more years and I was able to not only work shows at the Church thus eliminating the trouble between my friends and the weak security dudes that didn’t do much of securing anything. I think of the bands now, versus then. Man we could have done so much, but we ruined that. We didn’t deserve it yet. We had to spend those years being asses, having to go to the Killtime or Funrama because the Church wasn’t doing hardcore shows. Now its been 10 years since I danced with bricks in my school bag, or showed up dusted and dancing with the intent on cutting someone with a boxcutter for the first mistake.

I’ve worn the scars and the scorn of many. I don’t want a statue or an award, but I think for all intents and purposes there is a world of difference in 10 years. I am still associated with all things that are evil and I wouldn’t have them any other way. Its been my legacy, the only difference is while I could have done ‘better’ things or the ‘right’ things I chose this. Its not always the popular choice and there will always be someone who disagrees or shoots rocks.
However I can say that I am still here and I still making a difference, good or bad. I’ve watched my critics get old or get cool and fade away. I’ve been accused by the freshcuts and greenhorns of the core of being the devil and its never stopped me.
A lot of people that I look forward to conversations with are people who saw the bad in me then and I am very happy to have in my life as friends now. That says enough. I will leave this entry with a youtube video of me playing bass in Freight Train with Damien on guitar. The show was the last Freight Train show (not like today when people make a big deal about it) but they didn’t play after. And with 2 punishment dudes in the band and max it wasn’t the real lineup so to speak to begin with. But it was one more night with the guys that made the end of my teen years worth living..

Send all the hate you can. We’re still here..

Sorry for the lack of writing.

This blog has been a great source of release for me, sorry for the lack of updates. I've actually just stopped writing for a minute to re evualate what I wanted to use the blog for. Still not sure. But here we are with a few things on my mind. I will be doing some more specific things in the near future. Time permits and all that shit.
Stay well and go see bands like Blacklisted and Death Before Dishonor on their lengthy tours they've just started...

Earth can be a lonely place
Blank stares on the people's face
I contemplate their pointless chase
That traps me and my friends
Is this the place where I belong?
Where did we go wrong?
Will it last real long?
Are you too singing this song?
Sometimes I feel it
Sometimes I feel all so alone
And yes yes I must confess
I feel so far from home

Ok why is Joe taking lyrics from a Shelter song and posting them up?For this demonstration purpose and ambience these lines best explain how I felt Thursday night. It was the last Modern Life Is War show in Philadelphia. Funny that bands do that sort of thing now, but I will back it over that one show in a venue that holds 500 so 1,500 show up at and its a mess. I remember having a good night fighting at practice and quickly changing clothes and heading over to the Church to get there for the very beginning of my young boys Brain Dead. They were the support right before MILW took the stage one more time. I can see the usual faces and alot of newer, stranger ones as well. Bands like Modern Life Is War always bring these types of offshoot core types who know there are other shows but are much to busy to show up. Its funny to even see them dancing. They almost always an eyesore to watch and the first one to get upset over contact. Its a great show of passive aggressive energy. For me going to these shows is as close to Church as possible. Enlightment is found through the release of aggression or the social contact of my fellow hardcore kid renews my thinking and I am once again whole. I could probably build a whole cult based on it but I digress that I need more time fighting and less time taking over the hardcore scene one cult at a time. BrainDead was far from powerful. In fact their newb drummer really didn't have it together and you could tell they were off. Its ashame, because they need every show to be a banger. Thankfully most hardcore fans are not too discerning with their tastes or able to pick up those nuances but they were there. The pecking/picking order for local bands to play the Church show follows a rough basic idea that the same bands shouldn't open every show. It allows a breathing space of a few months between the bands playing at the fun spot at home. It makes them a drawing force as opposed to the weekly special and really showcases our talent. A band like Braindead played last July with Ceremony and I can't think of when they played between then and now so in that time, nearly a year there is time for growth and kids to get ready for them. The place was moving. One thing I love is seeing my young friends bands getting the place riled up. I would go further but its never going to be the same for me I think. Hence part of those lyrics above. I feel alone sometimes out there on that floor. I am near 30. When I started coming here I had to fight for my 10 secs of dancefloor fame. There were titans in there with these great moves and these awesome tattoos. They made my 14 year old self feel so insecure and different. I wasn't ready for the culture shock of the church shows. No visible bouncers. No shirtless guys with the shoving. It was a different envoirnment altogether. I knew some faces from shows but hardly anyone to strike up a conversation with outside of whom I travelled with and who they knew. I remember I didn't dance forever. I remember going home and practicing at home. Moshing seemed like the best thing on earth to me. I'd been in pits for all the greats and I've gotten my bruises and had my fights (all loses). But those church shows were where the dudes really came out and moved gracefully. It wasn't like other shows where it was brute force or a show of aggression there was a style and technique. Each guy had a deviation of its own. So many different archetypes as well. It was such a wonderful palette of people,style and mosh tactics. The anxiety of a darkened church floor before the band began would ride high til the place opened up for the initial song. it was almost always the craziest the beginning and the end of the set. The thing I liked the most about the church was the lack of the steps that injured so many at the Troc. Sure the troc is where it was really jammed packed and alot of the church shows I went to were never packed til the very latter days of the Robby Redcheeks era, but still it was good not to have some fat asshole fall onto you and you fall with your ankle crushed on the steps underneath the balcony. Nowadays the church feels so small. I look out and I know the faces but I can trust a select few. I could hear Mike's voice back to his heckling and I knew I was still home but it just don't feel right. I find myself watching the front of the stage wondeing why stevie sings but no one can hear him and I realize he is doing the new cool guy technique of not holding the mic to his face. Its a huge let down to see someone do that. Go to practice, earn your pipes and make that shit audible. I see all the kids for what they are now. No longer are they really kinsmen so to speak. They haven't been through the shit I have. We're not here for the same reason. I don't relate to their tastes, their social outlooks and their choice in clothes. I have more respect for a girl named Tiffany who came from somewhere else that proved to be a lone wolf amongst these fuckin sheep. Its like they have a cloning device offshore between NJ and Philadelphia. Something on Perry's Island that mutates the young into these wanna be urban chic, fake hardcore aesthetic looking kids. They know the words, they know the moves, they know my name before I know theirs but are they really here? Are they really letting it all go the way we used to? I can't understand it. The best hit I've got in the face at a show was almost 3 years ago during Guns Up. Some kid levelled me and my lip was split. He was bummed and apologizing, but I was more happy to see someone not afraid to just let loose for a change instead of doing the hardcore hokey pokey gay dance that I thanked him. Do we need to go back to violent mosh with bricks in our schoolbags to prove a point? No. But it just feels like its all too choreographed. I am almost ready to hear some director yell cut and have the lights go on, the music instantly cut out and have some fucking technical advisor come over and give me shit saying that people just don't stand in the middle of the floor not dancing. I want to just tell him, well its 2008 and most of these kids couldn't mosh through a paper bag let alone do anything that I won't see coming. So I'll stand where I want. I think the element of fear that turns people away being gone from shows is a decent thing in the fact that it brings a better understanding of what we do as a community to the forefront, but come on. LET FUCKING GO. Get out there and just rage for once. No more of these 25 second jumping jack katas before the song really gets going and then once the banger hits you're out of moves or your cardio's shot and its an empty floor. Do you need some fucking Mosh viagra to keep this shit up? I watched the whole MILW set as kids were jumping around like they were going to kill something, be it a person, bear,dragon or tiger. They weren't going to stop, and once the song really hits they're out. Its like the mosh pre-ejaculation sympton has spread across the land. I think its just as bad as these bands in hardcore that want to be looked at as villains or so fucking tough and really they're softer then cotton candy. All these XasskickerX bands like that fat faggot AJ from the Storm and his new band Congo. I am tired of hearing the words "2 step" "Moshcore" associated with hardcore. Its all pussy la la shit and I could care less about how tough your lyrics are. Its as bad as CDC from Lansdale with their "Ghetto isn't cool, ghetto is hell" saying. Its just dumb shit that in hardcore today makes me want to laugh outloud, put on armor and forget about the whole thing completely. Where have we gone wrong? Did the fruits of real bands like Madball,Cold As Life, Fury Of Five turn into these piss poor subhuman species like the mesh shorts, castro hat fat kid mosh or the 90 lbs wet 6 foot tall freak of nature with the bad neck tattoos. These kids are getting younger, wimpier and trying harder then ever to be what they were never set out to be. I guess thats why over the course of the past 10 years, I've gone across the board in what band I support, what bands I play in and what shows I put on. Gone are the days of Second To None and Clubber Lang. The people who want to play music like that are bigger bitches then the posi kids who hated us for dancing like dicks in the 90s now. All this loud mosh say nothing go through the motions crap is just played the fuck out. Its roots are always sadly traced to Hatebreed, which to me stands as one of the greats. Not because they're on ozzfest but for other aesthetically pleasing reasons that have been disintegrated through years of the internet and the death of the work ethic. Hatebreed and Jamey really worked their fuckin balls off. All those demos,split 7"s. Stuff he used to write and sing about was nearly untouched. Mark My Words is probably the name of 12,000 shit bands across the globe now, but when I got that comp 7" It was the hardest fucking thing I'd heard since Suffocation "Pierced From Within". I don't really know whats worse. I am still contemplating the commission of a scale which will weigh things out to figure out whats a shittier element in hardcore. The kids who are decked out and know all the right songs and lyrics and do all the right moves but are just going through the motions so there is no follow through or the herbs that really think that they are tough guys because they have a pair of brass knuckles and are in a mosh crew. Most of these jokers on either side will never be shit, may even take their parents money and get the surgery to cover up the bad tattoo choices of their earlier years. It sucks to feel like an entire generation before me is gone, and the ones after have left nothing. The one going on today are just wearing this like a pair of cool sneakers. They will find its use and when we're old for them and the rise of being what they wanted to be is over they will be gone. Who will be left? What will be left? Should I stick it out another song to see how the show ends? Should I stick it out another show to see if there is some glimmer of hope amongst the rubble of wasted space?Do I have another year to put it up with fake smiles and bullshit hellos? I am not sure. The place is still packed, it looks like things are fine from all the right angles but honestly every now and again I feel like if I could just freeze time I could run through the place and realize all these people standing on that floor are nothing more then cardboard cutouts on cardstock set up like players from the candyland boardgame who are only a swift breeze away from fallen flat to the ground... Oh well. I guess time will tell.

FEST MADNESS!

I am sure that most of you know that right now all the bands we've spoke about so highly and so lowly are now gearing up much like a scene from the Two Towers (#2 in the Lord Of The Rings saga epic trilogy). The drums of TOUR (NOT WAR) are beating steadily and we find our favorite bands on fests in every state it seems this year and a continent or two. For me its time to get real and decide what to do with This Is Hardcore Fest. The bands I worked with 3 years ago are onto bigger things, out touring 14 months a year or broken up already. I can't keep repeating what I've done. I'm happy to see fests like United Blood, Rain City and As One Fest stack the calendar year. Hardcore shouldn't rely solely on the summer months though our demographic shelters those months as high tide due to everyone being out on break from school and what not. I've watched the fests come and go and I can't say I disagree with anything this year anymore then I ever have. I can remember as far back as the Wilkes Barre fests in 95/96 where they were having bands like Grade and Overcast play. Those were pretty cool. A few years later a couple of my friends played this club in Syracuse and later that fest turned into the best msg board joke ever- "HELLFEST 2K6 GOT CANCELLED?". I think its great to have so many areas with strong hardcore scenes putting on shows. I should also point out that even weaker scenes tend to put on a decent to great festival now and again. I would like to make them all one year. One year of fucking off and just checking out the shit like Punk and Disorderly in Berlin in February. Or End Of Summer Jam in Orlando. It would be cool and a great sociological study of our subculture indeed. I am far from bereaved over the message boards and the idea that there is competition amongst the fests. In fact I look forward to Sound And Fury doing well. Sound and Fury doing well means that kids are still coming and bands are still touring and that makes This Is Hardcore that much more of a relief. We're all going to have our differences and preferences and that is what makes it great. I think that I need to bring some zest back into my own personal hardcore world. Its getting bland now. All these suckers looking the same now, the mosh is beyond weak and more choreographed then water ballet. I think a band like Vision or Fahrenheit 451 can shake them up a bit and change their outlook on things. Stuff like 100 Demons and Madball has always been my bread and butter and with Madball resting high as one of the only bands left that I honestly feel from a promoters point of view earns their daily bread, its going to be awesome to start the This Is Hardcore weekend off right. I think if I can get the right mix of the young new hungry bands, with some of these veteran bands that still got it in them with a dose of the big boys who still rock the world, that is the best I can offer a crowd. I tried to reason myself out of doing This Is Hardcore in December. I remember it well. I was laying in bed, laid off from work thinking about all the stuff I am going to do differently in 2008. I want to be like a snake and shed some fuckin skin. No more baggage. I wish I didn't need all this shit around, I would have the ultimate yardsale and be done with most of it. I feel weighed down by these surroundings. Where this goes is off to the things that I spent ALOT of time on. I love the SCA and its keeping the other 3 letters like Flowers By Irene from kicking down my door amidst an amazing scandal that would put me in jail for the rest of my natural life. Ok, so the swords stay. How about the promoting.. Well with a void where we should have smaller shows and needing a new venue, that would take up time I don't have right now and I really know that it was going to hurt us, and to a degree it has. Ok, less shows this year. Got it.. But if bands I love and like working with want a show.. I'm in. OK. How about the Fest? We don't need to do it again.. Hardcore is BACK, didn't you see that national geographic shit on sxe .Didn't you see some of these bands getting bigger? That other fest can do what we did. And then I got selfish. Is there something I can do this year to make it better, different and yet fun for everyone that I didn't last year. The light bulb went on and I couldn't sleep. Now fast forward to 2008, April and we're three weeks til presales go up and I'm biting nails waiting on agents to get back at me and laughing at my list of heroes who want a down payment on a house to play the fest growing by the month. The Superbowl Of Hardcore was this weekend, but my own personal superbowl was going down and I know where I needed to be. Rivalry fest was a blast from what I've heard and everyone loved United Blood. As One fest is next month and its sure to be something and that Metal fest they do in worcester might be worth traveling for. I've got a list of bands ready to be the mortar amongst the bricks in the lineup but I can't get some headway. I've got this awesome intern from Cookieland (read Amsterdam,Holland) and I feel like she's not getting work because there isn't much to do since the videos from last year came in and we're still not at the full promo stage. I hate this. It feels like the part of the Two Towers where everyone is doubting if they'll be able to hold off the Keep from the horde of Orcs come crashing in. Its not quite Big speech before the big fight time, but its that doubtful time where you don't know if the decisions you've made will hold and if the people will come. I can only say that this year will not have bands that I could do without seeing, each will be something special and if it all works well.. I might retire after this one just so I don't have to "outdo" myself next year. I've got alot more rants to make but an update was neccesary and good to get the mind rolling again and the fingers sore from typing....www.myspace.com/thisishardcorefest

So your simple ass wants to tour this summer?

For most of us touring was a right of passage, a coming of age thing and something that was never as casual as its become. I think often of the silly emails from this younger generation of bands and kids that I get. Everything from their MANAGER (read-girlfriend) to them asking for me to throw them a guarantee for them and 4 more bands that I also never heard of. I will start answering all myspace messages and emails like this.."Ok so you're lily white ass got into hardcore and now want to be the big shot tour booker guy in the band? Sure I'll give you and 4 bands that suck exponentially worse then your band does a $800 guarantee....but then you will honestly have to give me about a week's worth hard labor around my house to break even with the show."
Haha they are just wrong because this culture is fading. This work hard,do right by the people, for the people shit is gone.Its take,take,take,suck,suck,suck that gets you onto the fat shows into the fat cash and away from the drudgery of having to learn the ropes. Most kids reading this are wondering what rope I am referring to.. then again someone stopped collecting dues a few years back because lately its been all hype machines, no substance bullshit that takes the cake in the popularity contest that hardcore has become these days.
I started doing shows by physically looking at the liner notes of tapes and records and later CDs and handwriting the bands letters and mailing them using the united states postal service. I spell this out because even the best have resorted to getting on myspace or a message board and been like- "Yo my band needs a show on this date,someone make it happen". I know later in life we've resorted to that for something insanely last minute but that was the exception not the rule and we never received a show out of it. Yet there are bands that exist solely by booking via myspace or the boards. Its sickening. I didn't even have the tour science down for a few years. It was kickin it with Mike Hood at his house almost 10 years ago that I got the tour booking 101. I never really think about it but the Hoods were a touring machine. Years before other motherfuckers got on the tour wagons and had people booking for them this lil dude had his band out east all the time and everywhere in between. My man had contacts in Wyoming. You gotta have scoured the earth putting in work to get that hook up going. My man Keith from Wyoming is in one of the hardest sickest metal bands DeadSpeak from cheyenne,wy / ft.collins,co and I never would have met such a stand up sick fucker if it wasn't for Mike Hood.
Anyway, back to what I was getting at.From writing letters in the middle of the 90s to some of the greats to being on a US tour less then a week after 19 was a blessing that has absolutely changed me forever. That wanderlust, the desire to conquer and achieve was finally fulfilled. Sure promoting at home was fun but man touring and booking tours that was the next level for me. Sincerely gave me a direction when my feet were unsure and my life was headed down the road to hell. I got through the 101 class of tour booking that Mike gave me and I was on my way. On top of Mike helping me out, the time spent on that summer tour with Dysphoria really got me in the seat to do it.
Chris Spear is one of the great unsung heroes of my life. Dude seriously is probably one of the most giving dudes I've ever encountered. I think he has gone out of his way for me and others more then most. Aside from being a maniac drummer, insane workhorse, master navigator/driver he was one of the most organized and connected dudes for being in a realitively unknown band.He truly booked his way through everything. Got contacts from everyone, taught me the idea of asking other bands and later looking on the internet for tours and where people play. He had his finger on the networking skills and setup and some of the ideals to make touring a possibility before the internet was widely used and before it was so common to have someone book a tour for a band. Until the internet, alot of bands did their own work, got all their own shows and it wasn't until 98/99/2000 dudes outside of bigger near metal acts and the older NYHC bands had tour agents. These upper layer bands been in the game long enough to get all the ducks in a row and have enough years of experience, fans and people behind them to not make the same mistakes of the last decade.
I am derailing again but it bums me out to work some metal show at the church with 5 piece of shit metal bands posing as metalcore when they have sponsors, paid for vans/trailers with their parents money and label support and they are 19 and never did anything on their own so they respect nothing. The same shit rubs me wrong when I hear about these bands that are always on the move to suck this bands dick or that bands dick just to get "hooked up" at certain shows or areas. Fuck that. If your band is good it don't matter, or rather it shouldn't matter if a bunch of herbs in a band think you dudes are cool. Alas things have fallen away from better days.
So from the get go I had two close friends who were able to school me into a booking machine. Our first tour was booked for less then 6 months after we played our first show, which unlike today was a much harder feat. Unlike today where there would be droves of kids just based on internet dickeating we were going into these scenes blind and brand new except for where we knew 5 or so people, then we would have at least that there watching. Our first tour was done in a stolen van (gotta love the statute of limitations!) Shady paperwork, bullet holes in the body that had to be filled with that nasty sticky foam that never gets off your hands and graffiti we removed with paint thinner. Some new tires and we were out and on the way to California. We all chipped in X amount of $ to get us to whatever tour we did. We would start that as band fund,gas fund/the holy shit fund. We made it to Cali in 2 days or so. Gas was about $20 bucks for a whole tank and we didn't have a trailer so it was very cool. Stole gas alot actually in those days, later on following tours we would tally the tanks stolen with marker on the roof of the van so we knew who was in the lead.
Everything to this day but gas is really still up for grabs when it comes to touring. I saw Pride Kills rip a meter out of the ground and I know the last Punishment tour we were baffled after all the hard work the fellas had done in the Bay Area that they came up with a whopping $3 bucks for their efforts. Its the kind of senseless theft that no one is hurt by it. Do we really need 5 gallons of that blue shit for the windows.. no but it was cool to throw out into the highway while driving? To this day touring with Shattered Realm I am getting older and still amused about the gas stations where dudes will walk in and out of the place with cases of beer, ice for the beer and then more beer or something else ridiculous. We stole a cheese sandwich grill that plugs into the lighter only to find out it fucking sucks. But it was a worthy adventure for sure. Haha.
Gotta love the beauty of tour economics. Sure you get $10 a day to get your food and such but really who needs $10 when the hustle game is always in full effect. I've been lucky to be with both masters of the art and complete dummies who don't know how to talk when caught. Its a win/lose situation but fun nonetheless.....
Back to it. We get to California and gas is like 2 something and our minds are blown. I was used to paying in silver change to get around the city most days and maybe dropping a twenty when I made some loot and being cool for a minute. This shit was insane. I laugh now thinking about that because this is the year where everyone is going to get fucked on the gas prices. No more $75 a show for the first time touring band. Whats that really get you? 2 tanks or less if you're running AC like a dumb ass and full to the brim with a trailer and shit.. These newer bands are going to have to get real and get their asses moving in piece meal. Work harder to get their name out, make sure that their merch is on point and that they've got more then what we always toured with to make any kind of money to sustain a tour. Granted these aren't the throwaway kids from the blocks no one is proud to be from, but I think even most parents won't fund a whole tour.. will they? If so send me an email so you can arrange adoption procedures for 4 of us from SR and we will make this happen all day. I think we toured the best with a decent van, good merch for us (more then 1 shirt and actually having our Cds) and the tour ended with the van on fire, us dropping off the rest of the Ringworm tour and EVR still wanting $1,300 for merch and owing Thorp like $800 for CDs.
I reminisce and then compare to today and I can't see these kids doing what we did. I got venue names and figured things out. I got venue addresses and then drove around til we found the places if we didn't get lucky having directions or the kids number for the show. A tour or two later I was all juiced up on the hotmail address and logged crazy time in at the local library getting tour shit together, getting directions from mapquest and trying to do as much of the pretour work as possible. God bless Chris Spear again for building me my first comp in 02 or I would probably still be at the library doing this shit right now!!!!
I could summarize this and say that there is going to be alot of bands with sore egos and empty pockets in this year to come. The hardcore gang bang is coming to a close, your band won't always be able to get on tours because you blew 3 dudes from that band when they came to your town. Touring without a legit name or at least an interest is going to go away. This pond is filling up too fast and this summer you will see a thousand bands out on tour that no one has ever heard of trying to make their way. You'll see places like Kansas having shows with 8 bands 7 of them touring and even though its a packed house the bands that are used to getting 250 will have to suck it up and deal with 80 beans because their contemporaries are out on the prowl too. I wouldn't be surprised by if This Is Hardcore all this "we love each other", "every band is amazing", "we love all of our "bros" who are rocking out on tour" is over. The reality that the market will be flooded, this easy cash in get your name out on myspace generation is going to have to learn hard work all over again.It might be a good thing as it will weed out the less industrious but could be terrible to the bands who are just broke dudes trying to get things moving. Then again its always been the broke niggas that are never remembered, while the bands around them with the pockets lined with cash get to the next level and eat off this shit.
This day and age the upper crust of the core is full of bands that have been on top for ages and are in no danger of falling the way that the surge of bands like V.O.D, Earth Crisis did in the end of the 90's when they got too big and tried to leave the core for the world of metal which just spit them right back into our hands a few years later.
The middle layer that takes up the meat of the pie is the Bridge 9,DeathWish brand name bands and their counterparts. They're the ones that are actively pushing this thing we love so much and we've gotta give them their due as some of these bands are really hauling ass, creating thoughtful music again and pushing the boundaries for their generation. Of course for every Blacklisted/Have Heart/Ceremony is the hordes of copy cat bands that are truly mucking the system up. I believe in a fine system of bands going from demos to eps to Lps to trying to be a band that tours consistently. I also agree a band is entitled to anything that they can get if they're working hard for it. Seems that a few years ago after we wrenched hardcore's corpse away from the labels like Victory,TrustKill and Rev and back into the kids hands there is always the band wagon instant internet sensation that immediately becomes known, the popular then played out in less then 2 years. In fact most bands at this level follow along this cycle. Its what is really killing the core I think. Dudes aren't sticking around in bands long enough to make the vital changes to the game, dudes aren't even stayin in the bands that are supposed to drive this machine more then 2 years. Guns Up, Righteous Jams all blew up and then blew up if you know what I mean. From everyones favorite heros to booom dead. It sucks and it leaves a void where a half dozen bands with less going on but the ability and want to keep moving will get them in the game just a little longer. We have so many scrap bands, so many weak ass bands that are just filling a void. They aren't saying anything and we pay them mind because they are there. Its going to end this summer though for this group of bands as the game is getting too tight. The bands working to the top are still going to work but there is going to be a pinch in the finances because of gas prices and the over saturation of the smaller bands, the unprofessionalism of the new promoters to just book whatever comes through instead of filtering out the bands that are going to draw from the bands that should have waited til they went on tour for the first time with just a $5 shirt and a 7". I will get to those bands in a sec. Last year there was a phenomena of bands merging across the country from the end of June to the end of July for Sound And Fury. It was rad to see everyone race to California for such an awesome fest like something out of Cannonball Run but the way back things were getting hairy as the bands who needed to get back east were running into every package that was also doing that and the bands that didn't make either fest and are just heading to the west then. It created "mini fests" all over the country. Not bad for the small town scenes who get lucky in the summer with shows but starved in the winter but economically unsound for the band that gets paid about $200-300 a night to play for $125 or so because there is 8 bands on a bill instead of four. The days of driving long are still there because hardcore hasn't been able to get as big as metal yet to be 4 to 6 hours between shows. Alot of US touring is still 8 to 12 hours and those extra hundreds of miles are going to effect the bands that are busting their balls to hit both fests the hardest. Remember that a good small town show may do 100 to 200 at the very most. 200x10 is only 2000. Rent is sometimes cheaper in the small towns but not always and sound still costs too. So does promotion and water. Right now we're looking at a hypothetical $2000 to split between 8 touring bands in the middle of a smaller state not always known for hardcore as well as the cost of the show to put on. $500 or so to the show for the costs just to put it on leaves $1500 or just under 200 per band. Remember thats the very best scenario and often bands were getting more like $100 to headline an 8 band bill with 95 kids. That's the hypothetical end, but the realistic end is the bands that would have made $300 playing could have sold $800 or so will only do $200 or $300 in merch because of the merch competion... 2008 Merch Wars... haha. It sucks but its truth. Then we will see these circlejerking ass kissing bands fight tooth and nail for $100 extra a night and destroy the vibe they've been fronting on the past few years.
Thankfully there is an awesome underground amongst the underground these days of bands in basements bringin some of the best ideals of what made hardcore for me so fucking cool. I can say with ease all the bands I been in and toured with were way more metal then hardcore sounding but we tried our best to balance it with "sound" ethics and good D.I.Y principles. Anyways...These bands get mentioned but never in the same way as the middle or meat of the pie do. Their labels are small, the ideas are smaller and more simple and they really have made the bottom end of the core enjoyable because everything is aligned somewhat perfectly. Their bands are dirtier, they steal more often, hate the cops with a passion,they are either a drunk mess or hard as nails straight edge and their shows are in some of the smallest places known to man. Its a smaller piece and such but there is a beauty to it that if only things were perfect or "back like before" as an old retard like myself would say we could really have something great on our hands.
The scope of this rant is obviously not complete. Its 230am or more and I am back from my 2nd European tour, working on This Is Hardcore bands and I really can't tell you how many bands just really aren't worth the time and frustration. Drama online, gay "images", stupid uncool attitudes towards other bands really just make me want to put dunce caps on alot of these newer bands and show them how to handle shit properly. I really wish things were easier for some bands and I also think more bands should have more to do with the goings on of their tours because if it all falls down how are they ever going to stay afloat on their own? I haven't toured the states since 05. Longest US tour draught in my life. I caused to much havoc and nearly going to jail every night was something I can laugh at now but really be thankful for then. Can my band tour again? We shall see. Its something we are pondering. Do we try and run with the young bulls and show them lil niggas how the big boys do it? Man style, peeing standin up and all that... I want to see the country again, look at the different scenes see if they've changed. Almost 10 years of touring and being in a diffrent town every night makes me think of how much has changed for the better, for the worse. How many friends are out of the core already,how many friends are in jail or dead and won't be needing that guest list spot when we come through their town. It sucks and its real and a part of sitting in something long enough to live,love and breath it. I wish everyone getting their tour season hats on the best of luck. Come see me in September when it's over and I feel like Nostradamus of hardcore and we will talk 09 touring logistics..
take care.