Penance?

Being a grown ass man entitles you to own up to things that your previously immature ass was incapable of. Call it humility or bearing the cross, its a part of that awkward step towards a better you.

I stood in court the other day and got berated like I was an eight year old who didn't bring home a detention slip. It felt good to be publicly scourged with her verbal assault. I needed it. It was good to lay my head on the chopping block and feel the blades weight land just shy of my head. Close calls are not something you want to relish in but this one reminded me of when I am at my weakest that its the other people who put into my life that are responsible and deserving of my apologetic appreciation.

There are people who've stood by me, stood beside me and in some instances have carried me like a wounded soldier in combat. I feel like they've done more then I am capable of returning and sometimes I wonder if they ever realize how much I appreciate their efforts.

I am sorry to those who've time and time again have given everything for me. It really sucks to see you guys rise up without a second thought. I am forever in your debt.

I've been off lately and it shows, I could only imagine how my mom is dealing with it. She bears quite the burden and always has, one day I'd like to really feel like I've taken on that so she can walk easier.

I've recently realized how much I've sucked for the past 2 years. I spent a good portion of it being a dick, doing ruthlessly stupid and selfish things and ultimately Samantha and I are forever apart and I've become the every other weekend dad to the two people who just brighten my day the most.

I've met some good folks in my life, but really the people who've become my surrogate family in the SCA have given me more then just a home in that world but direction, guidance, advice and an amazing outlet. I am forever indebted to my squire brothers and my knight and the entire Household for helping me side step some of the worst that life has handed me lately. Its been a pleasure and I will never repay your kindness, loyalty, friendship and generosity..

I will possibly amend this list but for now these people have done more for me then most and I know only the level of hell to which I would be confined if not for them.